Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
Moving is expensive. We packed ourselves, rented a truck and drove across country (remember, I was pregnant) to Seattle in the spring (late March). We didn't get the cheapest van, because I'd done some research online and I understood that well-maintained equipment is less likely to breakdown than less-well-maintained equipment nearing its end of life. But we're still talking thousands of dollars when it all added up.
Returning, with a toddler, I knew better than to think we could pack ourselves, much less drive across country. I packed, and shipped via media rate, a large fraction of my library, and packed a smaller fraction of the rest of our stuff. But mostly, we hired movers and bought plane tickets. I also got Teddy and I a hotel room for the duration of packing and loading, because I'm not a complete idiot. More thousands of dollars. Since we moved after the London "terrorist plot" hit the news, but before the anniversary of 9-11, we weren't allowed to bring any water bottles or such on the plane. Very, very annoying, but unavoidable.
I'm sure it's possible to do all this for less money than we spent; I spent money trying to make things more comfortable and less stressful for all of us. But one very good reason NOT to move is because moving is very expensive. A raise has to be awfully good to make up for all the costs. Roland's company did pay for the move out.
Moving for a new job is a risk. We took that risk, and shortly after arrival, a number of things happened. Roland took a temporary pay cut, while the company waited for accounts receivable and accounts payable to work out. The friend who convinced him to come out to Seattle to work moved down to Portland. A lot of new friends he'd gotten to know changed jobs to other companies in the area. His initial job was cancelled. When his temporary assignment ended, he wound up working with a bunch of people located in Mendota Heights. Which is in Minnesota.
Roland's company was really nice, very flexible about hours and very supportive about Roland's new role as a father. His paycheck never failed to arrive, was never even late, and was never so small as to be any kind of concern. Nevertheless, while he'd gotten away from an evil boss, he was now also distant from friends and family, and making new friends at work was severely handicapped by the company shrinking.
I've heard much, much worse stories from people who have moved thinking their new job and new location would make for a better life. Our situation wasn't too bad.
In general, yards for the kids are found more typically in suburbs, exurbs, and bedroom communities than in city neighborhoods. Seattle, and some other cities, are exceptions to this rule. In general, neighborhoods with lots of big yards are not served well by public transportation (an inevitable artifact of lower population densities because of .... the yards). While the cost of a yard varies by real estate markets and tax codes, the cost of a lawn (which people generally install in a yard) in time, money and resources can be substantial. Yards are often next to roads, which are dangerous, and fences are not cheap either.
I have mixed feelings about yards and kids. On the one hand, kids can have an lot of fun in a yard, even without play equipment. On the other hand, sometimes that fun is a little scary to me as a parent. I can live with the blood dripping from the corner of his eye (did he get something sharp on his finger and then rub his eyes?). I can even live with the scratch he mysteriously got between his balls and his anus (although it does make me think that leaving the diaper on might not have been so bad). I suppose I will eventually find a way to live with poison ivy and wasps. But how do I feel about the bears that my neighbors tell me they see crossing the road. And grabbing at the birdfeeders my neighbor persists in leaving out? I'm not as reliable as I should be about checking for ticks; will my baby pay for this with Lyme Disease?
I have mixed feelings about playgrounds. Playgrounds are either not next to roads, in my experience, or fenced. But city playgrounds do have some scary garbage (cigarette butts, fireworks, condoms all really upset me, but I haven't yet seen any needles). They tend not to have poisonous berry bushes, poison ivy or bears. Best of all, and most unlike my yard, they often have other kids in them (and their parents, who are company for me).
In an ideal world, the playground would not have the scary garbage, bears, poison ivy, (stinging insects are probably inevitable), would have the kids (and caretakers) and would be nearby, thus relieving one of the need for a yard. This is clearly one reason people try city neighborhoods and suburbs, and sometimes, that works very well.
Of all the reasons to move, I think this one is the biggest trap. Bigger houses are, like bigger yards, by definition generally not supplied by public transportation or even sidewalks, which means one will be doing more driving and less walking or bussing. That is, all by itself, more expensive. We got by in the city with one car, and days would go by between trips in it. In Brookline, we need two cars, and at least one goes out virtually every day, and many days, two go out.
Bigger houses generally cost more money to heat, cool, furnish and maintain. Their taxes are often higher as well. Maintaining them also takes more time, of which no new parent has too much, or even enough.
Getting a bigger house is often viewed as unavoidable, if the parent(s) have been living in a one or two bedroom apartment or condo. After all, the baby needs a room, right? Cosleepers say no. The baby does have stuff (wherever that baby sleeps), which might be an issue, but does not necessarily require getting a bigger place to live. It certainly doesn't demand a room of its own.
If you don't like where you live, moving earlier is probably less stressful than moving later, once you are building your family (subject to a window for a few months on either side of the birth). But moving from a place you love to a bigger place you may not love at all might be avoidable.
A lot of people move out of their parents' house to go to college, and stay wherever they went to college when they get their first job. Others move again. And again. And again. Eventually, when they form a family, they may be far, far away from the grandparents-to-be (who may themselves be scattered all over the world), and that might suddenly become an issue. Hopping on a plane to see stepdad, or the mother-in-law is no longer going to be happening every holidy. And furthermore, the new parents may be envisioning a role for extended family in helping raise the little ones. Parents often move to be near extended family. Sometimes this works out. Sometimes they move again. It would probably be worth getting some kind of reality check on what kind of assistance one can expect from the extended family you are moving to be near. It's easy to be delusional about how helpful extended family is likely to be.
Copyright 2006 by Rebecca Allen.
Created November 12, 2006 Updated November 12, 2006