I have attempted to make this work mirror the changes that have happened to me since my husband and I started trying to get pregnant in August of 2004. Our baby is nominally due in August of 2005. Most of the writing was done during May 2005, although the reading and thinking and ranting and raving and journaling extended over more of the year. The year has been one of iterative decision making. I read a bit, I think, I talk, I listen, I come up with questions, I read a bit, I think, etc. Eventually, I make a decision, but no decision has been irrevocable. It took a while to choose a place of birth and a birth attendant (the admirable Adrian at The Birth Cottage in New Hampshire). Then we moved across country back to the city I spent the vast majority of my life in, where I had to start that process over again. By then, a number of my possible choices were booked up already, but I found the wonderful women at Expecting the Best, who somehow manage to be completely sane and aware of how insanely pregnancy and childbirth are often treated, without sounding nearly as unhinged about it as I tend to. But before I could decide which midwife I wanted, in either location, I had to go through a long process to realize I didn't want pain medication, I didn't want to be in a hospital, I didn't want an OB, and I wasn't that enthused about CNMs (certified nurse midwives). That process started with a few trips to bookstores to try to find a book that would tell me what was happening week by week, along with general advice on nutrition and fitness -- driven in part by late periods every month after we stopped using condoms (I'd been off the pill for a few years) that failed to register as pregnancies on home pregnancy tests. I remain convinced to this day that injudicious jumping rope messed with implantation one month. The advice I found was contradictory and, on the face of it, completely irrational. At that point, I got some help from my husband's brother-in-law, and dove right in. I remain stunned to this day how radicalized I've become as a result of the ensuing research.
Radicalized or not, a lot of what I concluded has not particularly surprised a lot of my friends (to be fair, it has shocked some of them silly, and most of the rest are watching in bemusement to see how the story will turn out). I gave up on most medicine a long time ago, in favor of larger changes in the way I live my life (regular exercise, changes in eating patterns, changes in relationships, etc. -- the kind of thing I cover in my other book). As for the rest of my changes, they seem a natural outworking of my strategies for finding meaning and narrative. Talk to people. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Plan ahead, but flexibly. Plan for bad outcomes, but not in a way that prevents one from enjoying good outcomes. Find a way to make any given situation a win, a learning experience, a lesson. And if all the signs say that hard work is required, don't shirk, and don't lie to yourself about what it will be like, even if that feels better in the here-and-now.
In practical terms for you, the reader, this work is structured first with an exhortation to talk to mothers and listen to them and learn from them, followed by reviews of sources, followed by the challenges I encountered, more or less in the order in which I encountered them, even when that order does not make much sense chronologically. Your mileage will vary, but you'll recognize at least a few landmarks along the way, if not personally, then from some friend's life, if you know the right questions to ask and can listen.
Because decisions during pregnancy, about birth, and while parenting your new child are interconnected in strange and unexpected ways, over time I intend to tie together those challenges to reflect those interconnections.
Pregnancy, childbirth and caring for babies and children brings out the jargon. I’ll try in this book to describe what can happen in simple terms, and then note what technical terms are used to refer to these things. When the jargon strikes me as being more obscure than helpful, I will continue to use the simpler term.
Copyright 2005 by Rebecca Allen
Created May 20, 2005 Updated May 23, 2005