Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
If you are reading this before you have your baby, or you are trying to understand what another woman who has had her baby is going through, do not skim this. Do not skim anything that talks about emotional and hormonal states after childbirth (or after conception, really). Virtually every activist promoting awareness of post-partum mood disorders and the need for women to be supported after their birth says quite clearly that until she had her own baby and her own mood disorder, she figured it would never happen to her. While I sincerely hope that this never happens to you, it's very important to recognize that it does happen to a lot of women, and those women deserve to be taken seriously, believed, and treated with compassion and real assistance and support.
If you can speak up and let people know what you want and don't want, what you need and don't need, that will probably be very helpful. You may not know what you want and need. Telling people that will probably also be helpful. The hormonal change that occurs after you give birth and are no longer pregnant is massive. It is associated with the shift to nursing, but choosing to bottle-feed will not stop your milk from coming in and all the associated hormones with that. It will take time for your body to adjust to not-nursing. If you are nursing, your new stable state as a nursing mother will take weeks, and may take months to be established. Recovering from physical trauma (as with c-section, episiotomy, rips, tears and so forth) and exhaustion also affect your mood and hormonal state.
You know that you-before-you-were-pregnant felt different from you-while-pregnant. And you probably noticed that sense of self fluctuating throughout the pregnancy. This is biologically normal and healthy. Our society sends messages to the contrary. These messages are detailed, and based on a pseudo-masculine ideal of an individual with no one dependent upon them and dependent on no one else. Yet we all know how false such an ideal must be. This ideal also assumes an adult who does not grow, change, develop over time. We also know how horrible that would be if true. Being pregnant and having a new baby may make you painfully sensitive to how different you are now from that ideal. You may have, through career and education, through diet and exercise and personal philosophy, once have met or approached that ideal; pregnancy and childbirth may have wrenched you away from that ideal embodied in yourself in a way that creates a powerful desire to return to Who You Really Are.
Please be compassionate with yourself. As your body shifts from one ability, having completed that project, to a new set of abilities, try to find people who can support you in your efforts to find your true self in your new body, your new relationship with your baby and your changed relationships with friends and family. The good priorities from the past -- staying safe, resting, eating good foods, being physically active in ways that bring you pleasure, maintaining intimate relationships with people who support and love you -- have in no way changed. But how you meet those needs may shift in unexpected and dramatic ways.
Those unexpected and dramatic ways will include massive mood swings, in every possible direction. When those mood swings pass in weeks, and you are able to recognize them fairly promptly for what they are, they are often called the "baby blues". Sleep deprivation obviously contributes to mood swings. I encourage you to put a high priority on making nighttime feedings (necessary for a newborn's health and well-being) an activity that disrupts your sleep as little as possible. My research suggests that breastfeeding and sleeping with or very near your infant is the most effective way to do that. A baby that feeds several times at night is more likely to be a happy baby throughout the day and night. Taking as much time away from work and other demanding activities as you can afford to at the beginning of your new life together will also give you time to find new routines. It will also let you take naps when your new baby is sleeping.
If you have ever suffered from depression before, or if you had a particularly traumatic birth, or if you have a history of abuse (particularly if unresolved), or your partner is unable or unwilling to be fully supportive, or you lack resources, or you are mourning your lost, pre-pregnant self, or are just somewhat unlucky, the baby blues may manifest instead as a post-partum mood disorder, of which the two best known are post-partum depression and post-partum psychosis. If you suspect this is happening to you, I urge you to talk to someone you trust about your feelings and find help. Talking helps all by itself, if you can talk to someone who listens to you, believes you and supports you. In the course of talking to someone, you may decide to find a professional that can help you use other techniques or medication to feel better. You are an important, valuable person and you deserve to have a joyful and fulfilling life. It is all too easy to feel that you must sacrifice yourself to the needs of your new baby and everyone else around you. Know that you are not alone, and while you almost certainly will be surprised at the intensity of your feelings, they remain, as always, shared by many, many other women in similar circumstances. I hope that to the extent these strong feelings are the result of changes that must be made in your life, you are able to find the assistance and resources needed to make those changes.
This article advises you pay attention to your diagnosis code if you see a professional about a post-partum mood disorder. It can impact your future health insurance costs.
General discussion of the immediate postpartum period.
Copyright 2006 by Rebecca Allen.
Created February 6, 2006 Updated March 8, 2006