Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
A little disclaimer: our family financial situation is unusual and gives us a lot of power. What we could do is not possible for everyone. Nevertheless, even before I was independently wealthy, I did a lot of negotiating with employers that my fellow co-workers thought was impossible. Do consider your own situation but try to recognize when a risk is worth taking.
I retired in September 1998 and have not had to work since then. This was many years before I married Roland and Teddy came into our lives. Roland does work, and we appreciate that he receives a tidy sum in exchange for doing something he likes with people he enjoys being around. When he landed at Intel (he got bought, twice) and was miserable, we moved to Seattle to find him a better place to work, because Intel absolutely wasn't going to adapt to us.
Cray, by contrast, was extremely supportive. While he was not able to take FMLA (employed less than 12 months when Teddy was born), his boss and HR were supportive of him working short days, as long as he was productive. He was also able to take some unpaid time off. They were flexible about telecommuting, which enabled us to return to our home in Brookline.
But part of what Roland wants, enjoys and needs from a job is being part of an intellectual endeavor with people he likes and respects. Telecommuting does not supply that very well. Cray in Seattle, with all the departures, and being in a group composed mostly of people in another time zone, wasn't working very well, either. When he had a chance to switch to AMD, we were all very happy. We had hoped AMD would start a compiler group in the area but been unable to wait until it happened. Initially, we regretted our move to Seattle, with its various costs. However, the length and details of the non-compete/no-poach rules at Intel and AMD meant that Roland was uniquely placed to recruit his former co-workers to work at the new job without violating any rules. Because we believe that family is very important, the early years will never come around again and babies need their father and their mother if at all possible, we wanted any job Roland took to enable him to spend time with Teddy comparable to what he'd been able to do in Seattle and would have done telecommuting. AMD was flexible; Roland has Fridays and the weekend off. It is quasi-official, in that it is paid full-time, and the short week will be compensated for in the conspicuous lack of a bonus.
It would be hard to imagine a better arrangement. While Roland does occasionally have to go in for (part of a) Friday if there is a meeting he shouldn't miss, in general the position has been as represented. They have also been willing to work with us on travel plans we had made prior to him taking this job. We shortened the mid-December trip to Seattle drastically (to 4 non-travel days), as there were still a lot of meeetings he needed to be physically present for at that time. The company shuts down between Christmas and New Year's, so we were able to spend that time with family. By February, we were able to take a week and a half to go to Disneyland without too much trouble.
We learned several things. First and foremost: some companies are inflexible and do not treat their employees well. If you work for one of them and are expecting a child, you are in for a rough ride. My sympathies are with you and I hope you can find a place at another company. Second: even a very understanding company does need to know what you want in order to help you get it. Roland's boss at Cray asked Roland what his expectations were for working post-Teddy. He didn't have an answer. I hadn't told Roland what I wanted or needed. We didn't really know. It would have helped some if we had come up with a more detailed plan. I think Cray would have worked with us, whatever we had asked for. As it was, we backed into something that worked well, and they were consistently very supportive. Third: be willing to make further changes. While the arrangement at Cray in Seattle was good, we thought telecommuting, with all its problems, would be as good or better. Roland never did telecommute because another job became available that was still better. Finally, you might not know all of the results of your decision right away. We went back and forth on whether it was right to move to Seattle and take the Cray offer, but in the end, it worked out beautifully.
Find a good company. Negotiate for what you want. Be willing to make further changes. Keep an open mind about the results. These are not difficult ideas to communicate. They are hard to contemplate, and even more difficult to implement. But we've been very happy with the results (so far).
A General Discussion of Moving
Copyright 2007 by Rebecca Allen.
Created February 20, 2007 Updated February 20, 2007