Go read the Disclaimer again. I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. Seriously.
It is hard to talk about or think about parenting without using the word behavior. It is hard to talk about people who do things we disapprove of without using the word behavior. This is not an accidental observation. Behavior is a description of someone's actions, often without reference to what was happening inside that person when they took that action, and almost always without reference to the larger context that led up to that action. Behavior, as a term, purports to neutrality, when it fact it is innately judgmental.
Despite this, an entire branch of psychology (with many divisions within it) grew up in the twentieth century called behaviorism. Science may aspire to objectivity; that does not stop it from participating in cultural, social and other judgments. Behaviorism has lost credibility in most of its forms. Psychologists no longer claim to be able to understand what humans (or animals) do without reference to internal mental states.
By paying attention only, or even mostly, to what children do, and not why they do it, we lose the possibility of understanding them, communicating with them, maintaining a bond with them. With the loss of understanding, communication and a bond, we lose any hope of truly influencing them. They may do as we demand, while we are there to watch and punish; hopefully, that is not our only goal.
What words might replace behavior? Action is perhaps the simplest, in that it can be inserted wherever behavior is used and a sentence will still make sense (to the extent that it made sense when behavior was used). Action, for me, restore a sense that the do-er had a purpose. We can now talk about what was the hoped for result of that action, and what other courses of action might lead to the desired goal. Behavior brings to mind carrots and sticks, and denies the possibility there is a person who needs something, and is trying out various things in an effort to satisfy that need.
The word behavior is a crucial component of detached parenting's program of producing individuals without needs, who are in-dependent, who are market automotons, mindlessly and soullessly pursuing the most goods for the lowest price, and engaging in activities that produce the most return for the least effort. Eliminating this word, and the thinking that goes with this word, is crucial to finding a way to care for children, and help them grow to become healthy, effective, interdependent adults who understand complex systems and are accustomed to operating effectively within them.
Authority Implies the Right, Ability and Knowledge to Decide for Another
Control Assumes or Advocates the Impossible and Legitimizes Efforts to Attain It
Parent and Child Imply That Relationship Gives Power
Copyright 2006 by Rebecca Allen.
Created March 8, 2006 Updated March 9, 2006