[ Cookbook | Book Reviews | Advice | Previous | Next ]
Does anyone ever talk about keeping up with the Joneses in a positive way? After that bit about the bridge, you probably know what to expect from me.
A large fraction of an entire generation got rich and famous by helping people experience "personal growth". No one got any taller (although rumor has it some people got fatter, cancer and warts, which leads me to conclude that one needs to be a lot more cautious about the personal metaphors one adopts). Some of them lived much better lives as a result. I don't advocate personal growth, and I can't claim to have the inside line on what constitutes a worthy goal for such an activity (assuming it isn't increase in physical size). But your peers provide a handy metric (meter stick?) for gauging where you are and where you probably ought to be. Just because every other thirty-something in your city with your skin color owns a home theater doesn't mean you should. I don't like mindless consumption any better than the next ideologue.
However, if all your friends:
you should probably change friends, change yourself or, perhaps a bit of both.
DO NOT TIE ANY OF THESE CHANGES TO RELATIONSHIPS IMAGINED IN THE INDEFINITE FUTURE.
Yes, you. You've been thinking that that nice young woman will help you pick out the furniture, do the laundry, motivate you to quit drinking. You've been thinking that nice young man will fund your 401K, save the down payment on a house, provide a house to move into from your parents' place. Knock it off. Grow up. Your friends are. Here's what to look for:
Translated, that means that if your friends, who used to have the kind of job you have, or were in the same school you were, now have a different kind of job, maybe even a career, or have moved onto the next level of schooling, or graduated and started work, but you still haven't then you aren't keeping up with the Joneses. That may be okay, but you should think about it.
If they all cut their hair, shaved their faces or legs or pits or stopped shaving somewhere else or bought new clothes or a new haircut or new shoes or whatever, and you haven't, that's fine, but you should know why.
If you all bonded over a particular band or TV show or comic book, and they've all adopted something new, you don't have to moo along with them, but maybe you should be mooing along with a different group over something new.
If you hold a philosophical stance in opposition to people with a trait you now have, you should reconsider your stance if you haven't already. You will probably find most of your friends have. Don't be Abbie Hoffman and belatedly kill yourself two decades after you should have noticed the flaw in your reasoning and done something about it. Deep, personal conflict is an ugly thing to be around. You don't want to be ugly.
All adults, male and female alike, are expected to have some capacity to both provide for themselves materially and take care of themselves in a domestic sense. If you can afford it, you can hire stuff done. No one cares. We do care if it doesn't get done, or if you continue to mooch off parents and others whose job should have been done by now.
And while we tolerate people who have friends of a single sex who they meet in a single location on a rigid schedule, most of us aren't all that impressed by them. Do you want to be the old guy at the coffee bar at Denny's? Branch out. Your friends probably have. If they haven't, think of it as an opportunity to be the ringleader.
Don't get left behind. Keep up with the Joneses, or pick different Joneses.
One last remark on the subject of using your peers as a metric. Do not simplify this process. This is a process which is intended to identify as many areas in which you can improve as possible. Make it complicated. Do more than compare appearance, possessions, salaries, stock portfolios, number and quality of friends, hobbies, charitable activities and professional organizations. Consider things like:
These (and many more issues) have a direct impact on your quality of life, whether you spend your personal time alone, with friends, with a particular love one, or some combination thereof.
[ Cookbook | Book Reviews | Advice | Previous | Next ]
Copyright Rebecca Allen, 2002.
Created February 9, 2002 Updated February 9, 2002