Samples:

Hauling a Trident submarine over the Himalayas might be a chore, though

AUGUST 7: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur is annoyed at people who are ringing Tibetan bells to protest the arrival at Seattle's waterfront of a visiting Trident nuclear ballistic missile submarine.  He tells us  "if Tibet had Tridents, maybe they'd be free today."

 

Wilbur's show is sponsored by Freedent gum.

 

No turning the clock back

AUGUST 10: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Daniel  Lapin tells us that he's a firm believer in property rights, so firm, in fact, that he believes landlords should be able to rent or not rent to anyone they want for any reason and to kick people out for any reason they want.  Lapin must be nostalgic for the apartheid South Africa that he grew up in.  Unfortunately for Lapin, he emigrated to the US after hard-won civil rights laws were passed to outlaw such discrimination by landlords.

 

Lapin's show is sponsored by "Best Quote" term life insurance.

 

Facts are stupid things

AUGUST 11: Republican talk radio host Kirby Wilbur informs us of the "fact" that unmarried couples living together have a higher incidence of child abuse than married couples.  He attempts to illustrate this "fact" by reading a story about a stepfather who chained and abused his stepson.  Wilbur gets all the way through the story before realizing that it's about a child being abused by married parents and thus completely at odds with the "fact" he was trying to illustrate.

 

Wilbur's show is sponsored by Divorce Lawyers for men: 1-800-DIVORCE.

 

Lapin vs Greenpeace

AUGUST 11: Official KVI Radio Rabbi Daniel Lapin proudly regales us with the tale of how he and his family, on a sailing vacation in the Canadian San Juan islands, dissed a Greenpeace boat.  Greenpeace people, Lapin reminds us, "are watermelons - green on the outside and red on the inside and very seedy".  In the encounter, Lapin's vessel pulled alongside the Greenpeacer's "vomit green" boat and Lapin, his wife, and their seven children all gave a thumbs-down sign to the Greenpeace crew.

 

Lapin's show is sponsored by Ortega Mexican food.

 

Medved's not snooty when the subject is booty

AUGUST 13:  Michael Medved, moralistic movie reviewer and author of "Hollywood vs. America",  finally finds a pimp 'n ho movie he approves of.

 

Medved's film reviews appear in that prestigious publication, the NY Post.

 

Dittoheads are morons - Limbaugh says so

AUGUST 18: Limbaugh is dismayed that many of his listeners couldn't tell he was kidding when, on a previous show, he read a fictional fax from United Parcel Service executives threatening to move all the route delivery jobs (i.e. driving the big brown UPS trucks) from the US to Guatemala unless the current strike was settled on their terms.  In order to figure out that Limbaugh was kidding, you had to have the minute amount of intelligence necessary to know that Guatemala is a country in Central America and that  it would be impossible to deliver parcels by driving from Guatemala to the United States everyday.

 

What does Limbaugh think of his many loyal dittohead listeners who lacked this elementary ability to reason? He (correctly) calls them "morons".  One might think that insulting the intelligence of your most dedicated fans would antagonize them, but they're probably too dumb to realize that Limbaugh's talking about them.

 

Limbaugh's show is sponsored by "Clean Shower" shower cleaner.

 

Ugly is as ugly does

AUGUST 19: Limbaugh informs us that the members of the "National Association of Gals" (NAG - his name for NOW - the National Association of Women) have joined the picket line of workers against the United Parcel Service (UPS).  Limbaugh's statesman-like comment on this?    "It's sure to get ugly out there"

 

Limbaugh's show is sponsored by the Fox News Channel.

 

The President's been shot! Quick, call an astrologer!

AUGUST 21: "Independent", i.e. not Republican, talk radio host Mike Reagan tells us that Nancy Reagan was "trapped" and "sucked into" employing an astrologer because she felt guilty about not being at Ron Reagan's side when he was shot in an assassination attempt.  It's not clear why Mike's making excuses for Ron and Nancy's use of astrologers, since they themselves weren't embarrassed about it.  In 1980, Ron even told a Washington Post interviewer that he consulted Hollywood celebrity astrologer Carroll Righter's horoscope column every day.

 

Reagan's show is sponsored by Cool Mint Listerine tooth paste.

 
 

Maybe he should look up infinitesimal in that dictionary

AUGUST 28: Limbaugh is gloating about getting the word "feminazi" into Webster's Collegiate dictionary, saying that it shows how his influence "continues to grow to an infinitesimal degree".  For once, we agree with him.

 

Limbaugh's show is sponsored by Future Shop.

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