Still on the Edge in Sumas

My my my... I've stumbled upon the secret to posting remotely. Lucky you.

Happy April to us all. Life is essentially two things right now: daytime at UW hospital; nighttime at the temporary apartment in Eastlake. Best news all week is that Mark seems to have an appetite again. We will still have a very long ways before he's ready to head back to Sumas for even a brief weekend, but its definitely progress after so many weeks of taking food via IV. Meanwhile I spend many nights feeling isolated and bored and lonely and horny and basically hating the city. First Thursday artwalk I made it downtown -barely- before Mark called and asked me to come back to the hospital; I think he just needed a bit of company. So after a quick walk through the Calder exhibit I hopped the trolley back to the hospital.

Lately I've found I prefer secondhand shopping to sex, a situation that needless to say is fraught with frustration not to mention other multiple unhealthy side effects. Therapy would seem in order, however I've already suffered four years of that, so I'd argue I'm about as well adjusted as I'm going to get. Which aint say'n much. The beauty of thrift shops is you can always find something to take your mind off things. Something shiny that needs to be fixed or decorated or incorporated into some future diversion. Nobody can divert quite as well as I can. Of course the downside is I'm increasingly fucked up and horny. But I don't really want anonymous sex with all that that entails (rejection, disease, soul crushing despair); nor is it fair to seek out anything more meaningful with somebody else, even with Mark's knowledge and permission since most people prefer some amount of fidelity.

I almost wish I had one of those monomogous relationships where one of them (not me)totally sublimates their own dreams and desires in favor of their partner's (me). Who wouldn't? Answer: Those of you way healthier than me. But no, I have to have the type of partnership in which we each try to make the other a better, more complete, individual. Overrated if you ask me.